What If Broadway Shows Were NFL Teams?

Editorial Note: Not all 32 NFL franchises are represented is in this post. I, personally, was raised as a Washington Commanders fan going back to the Joe Theismann (never tell JT to break a leg) and John Riggins days. Yes, I’m that old. I’ve purposely left my team out of this, but will follow up with more posts featuring D.C. and the other teams not represented here. This is just a start. [Whistle blows]

Illegal Holding and Jazz Hands

Broadway and the NFL don’t usually show up in the same sentence. One’s jazz hands and belting; the other’s helmet hits and end zone dances. But deep down, both are about spectacle, rivalries, drama, and crowd-pleasing finales. They’re larger-than-life cultural events that turn everyday folks into rabid superfans.

So we started thinking… what if Broadway shows were NFL teams? Which musical is the Patriots of the theater world? Which one has a fan base as loyal (and irrational) as Eagles Nation? Put on your cleats and your tap shoes—it’s time for the crossover you didn’t know you needed.

1. Hamilton = Kansas City Chiefs

Both are dominant dynasties redefining the game. Hamilton shook Broadway like Patrick Mahomes shook the NFL—fresh, flashy, and faster than anyone expected. Just like the Chiefs run trick plays and no-look passes, Hamilton made the Founding Fathers rap battle and made it look easy. Whether you love them or love to hate them, both are undeniably iconic.

2. The Phantom of the Opera = New England Patriots

This is the long-reigning king of the castle. Phantom was on Broadway for 35+ years; the Patriots had nearly two decades of dominance. Both were kinda dark, occasionally controversial, and incredibly effective. Sure, the magic has faded a little in recent years, but their legacies are already sealed in gold and fog machines.

3. Les Misérables = Chicago Bears

Old-school. Gritty. Tragic. The Les Mis barricade kids would 100% play defense for the Bears. This show is all heart and struggle, powered by loyalty and pain. There are long stretches of misery broken by moments of glory that make you weep into your beer. It’s Mike Ditka football in the mud. It’s Jean Valjean in the snow. Same energy.

4. The Book of Mormon = Las Vegas Raiders

Irreverent, loud, and always pushing boundaries. Book of Mormon and the Raiders both make you say, “Did they really just do that?” And yes—they did. The jokes are sharp, the costumes are extra, and somehow, it all works. Bonus: both have fans that aren’t afraid to go full costume in public. Keep the drama coming, Raider Nation.

5. Wicked = Philadelphia Eagles

Wicked fans are intense. So are Eagles fans. Both have something to prove, chip on shoulder included. Elphaba’s journey from outcast to misunderstood legend mirrors the Birds’ own underdog Super Bowl win. They fly high, belt hard, and they’ll absolutely throw snowballs at Santa if you diss them.

6. Chicago = Dallas Cowboys

Wait, what? How could Dallas, “America’s Team,” have more common with a show named Chicago than any of the other Broadway performances to choose from? Hear me out: Chicago is all about flashy, scandalous, and obsessed with showmanship. Chicago and the Cowboys are about drama first, results second. Whether it’s Roxie and Velma or Jerry Jones and his star-studded offense, you’re guaranteed headlines. And whether they win or not, they’re always in the spotlight, looking fabulous under pressure.

7. Dear Evan Hansen = Cleveland Browns

A fanbase desperate to feel something. Dear Evan Hansen is the emotional gut-punch of musical theater; the Browns are the emotional gut-punch of the AFC North. Both are about hope, mistakes, mental health, and somehow never giving up—even when you probably should. Deep down, they’re about longing for connection and maybe… a few more wins.

8. Moulin Rouge! = Miami Dolphins

It’s glitter, glam, and high-octane offense. Moulin Rouge! and the Dolphins both prioritize dazzle over subtlety. The visuals? Unreal. The speed? Blinding. Are there moments where it all feels a little too extra? Sure. But you’re having too much fun to care. Whether it’s a pop medley or Tyreek Hill torching a defense, you’re in for a spectacle.

9. Sweeney Todd = Pittsburgh Steelers

Dark. Violent. Heavy. The Sweeney Todd meat pie shop and the Steelers’ Steel Curtain defense are cut from the same cloth: relentless, tough, and not afraid to get a little bloody. If musicals had linebacker energy, Sweeney’s got it in spades. Also, both take place in cities that thrive on working-class grit and old-school power.

10. Mamma Mia! = Jacksonville Jaguars

You’re not really sure how they made it here… but they did, and it’s kinda fun? Mamma Mia! is absurd and joyful; the Jags are chaotic but loveable. They’re not perfect, but they’ll surprise you. And once you lean in, you’ll probably start singing along with “Dancing Queen” or Duval chants before you know it.

11. Rent = San Francisco 49ers

Passionate. Political. Stylish. Rent and the 49ers are both rooted in identity and intensity. Their fans are loyal, their message is progressive, and when they’re firing on all cylinders, they’re as powerful as any team on this list. Also: lots of boho scarves and quarterback “main character” drama.

12. Hadestown = Baltimore Ravens

Moody, poetic, and cool as hell. Hadestown is mythology meets blues; the Ravens are defense meets poetry-in-motion quarterback play. Both have deep lore, iconic voices (shoutout to Hades and Lamar Jackson), and a fanbase that loves a little darkness in their underdog. But that’s what you get when you build your branding around Edgar Allen Poe. Love that Baltimore embraced Poe and went full literary on us.

Midfield and Center Stage

So maybe Broadway and football aren’t so different after all. They both demand peak performance, inspire fierce loyalty, and thrive on drama—onstage or on the field. Whether you’re a die-hard theater kid or a gridiron jock, both worlds have room for the same big energy, emotional arcs, and standing ovations. It’s about connecting with others and learning life lessons as competition and live performances ignite our minds and souls.

And if you ever get the chance to shotgun a beer during a curtain call or see a linebacker tear up during “Defying Gravity”? That’s the crossover event we deserve.